Weapons of mass destruction come in many forms
and can be hidden in a variety of places. It is always in one's
best interest to be able to quickly locate hidden weapons, whether
searching a belligerent nation, or simply checking out your next
door neighbor.
1: Bring experts Not everybody knows what a weapon of mass destruction looks like. Examples include:
--nuclear bombs
--weaponized smallpox
--weaponized anthrax
--novels by Ayn Rand or L. Ron Hubbard
Wisdom would dictate you bring at least one biologist, one physicist with a geiger counter, and an english professor.
2: Surprise! The most important first step in searching for weapons of mass destruction is that you must have the element of surprise in your favor first. This means not telling the person or country you are searching where you plan to look. You may even wish to employ disinformation tactics, such as telling them you're going to check behind the TV when in fact you mean to look under the couch.
3: Think creatively You would of course be searching for obvious signs of weapons of mass destruction, such as actual bombs, smallpox, or scientologists. However, keep in mind that it is also in your interests to seek out the manufacturing elements of these weapons, and to consider the possibility that the weapons might be disguised to look like something different. For instance:
-- in order to build a thermonuclear device, plutonium must first be manufactured. Rather than looking for small quantities of plutonium, try to locate a breeder nuclear reactor, which should be quite large.
--Instead of looking for missile silos, keep in mind that a small nuclear device can be hidden in a suitcase, so try checking luggage factories.
--Anthrax and smallpox don't just weaponize themselves. They need to be genetically manipulated first, generally by mad scientists. Mad scientists almost always wear white lab coats, rarely comb their hair, and tend to wear glasses in unattractive frames. Look for them instead.
--Libraries are the obvious place to look for books, but the clever librarian will hide volumes in different jackets. Don't just scan the stacks; flip through the pages.
4: Try asking This is a long shot, but it never hurts to ask. "Do you have any weapons of mass destruction?" you might say. "And if so, could you show us where you keep them?" If you're very lucky, the country or neighbor you pose this question to will provide you with a list, although we recommend not trusting the list entirely.
5: Threaten
invasion This actually won't make any difference whatsoever
in your ability to locate weapons of mass destruction. Worse,
it will also provide the country or neighbor you are searching
with A: a good excuse to keep the weapons hidden, and B: a good
target to try them out on. However, we understand military invasions
are good for the economy, so you may wish to consider this option
anyhow.
Order your copy of The OTHER Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook today to read:
How to Shoplift
How to Deliver A Baby In A Manger
How to Summit Mount Everest
How to Tell You've Lost the Election
...and much more!
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