There are many different religious opinions
regarding the best way to ensure getting into heaven. What follows
is a synthesis of some of the more popular approaches.
1: Get born into a Brahman household The Hindu caste system is very explicit on this. You're not going anywhere special in your next life if you're born into a lower caste.
2: Get baptized Wash away that original sin.
3: Get circumsized (Men only)
4: Have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, first communion, and confirmation It may be possible to do all of this in one weekend. Ask around.
5: Do not reveal any part of your body-- even your face-- to any man except your husband (Women only)
6: Do not be a homosexual Most major religions are pretty clear on this, although if this is unavoidable, there may still be an opening in the priesthood....
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How to Shoplift
How to Deliver A Baby In A Manger
How to Summit Mount Everest
How to Tell You've Lost the Election
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