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The Other Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
Under certain circumstances, when you are in grave need of immediate vehicular transportation, it is necessary to gain entry to a motor vehicle that you do not have the keys to. These sorts of emergencies pop up very frequently in major metropolitan areas.
1: Make sure the owner is not around Often, the best way to determine this is to "stake out" the vehicle. Watch it when it is parked, and determine where the owner is going.
2: See if they left the keys in the car Not very likely, but that sure would make this go a lot more quickly, wouldn't it?
3: Get into the car If the door is left unlocked, or the window left open, just climb in. Be aware that if the door is unlocked or the window is down, this may be an indication that the owner will be returning shortly. If you have no particular qualms about damaging the car, try breaking one of the windows. Put a piece of cloth over the rear passenger side, and then strike the window with a ball peen hammer. This should create an opening large enough to enable you to reach inside and unlock a door.
4: Try to hotwire the car Pop the plastic off the side of the steering wheel with a screwdriver, strip a couple of wires, and then connect them together. This will not work, as the movies have been lying to us for years. But at least you tried it.
5: Wait for the owner by hiding in the back seat Hopefully you have thought to bring a weapon with you, or this is not going to work very well.
6: Threaten the owner with the weapon Make him or her drive to a secluded area and give you the keys, so you can drive to wherever it is you had to go in such a hurry.
Other Methods
--Carjacking Rather than hiding in the back seat, sneak up behind the owner as they get into their car. This is a good way to get the keys without having to worry about the owner's driving skill. It also requires a good hiding place somewhere near the car. Do not hide under the car. This is just stupid.
--The Fake Valet Get hired as a valet for a restaurant. If you stand outside the restaurant wearing your ugly valet jacket, people will actually HAND you their keys. Really.
--Commandeering This is actually very similar to carjacking, except that you are either a police officer or have one of their badges (available on the internet.) Run up to any car, flash the badge, and announce "Official police business. I need to commandeer this vehicle." We have always wanted to try this ourselves.
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© 2000, Gene Doucette