In today's political climate, it is wise to
seriously consider developing nuclear capabilities. If you are
a small nation-state, having the bomb can be very useful in negotiations,
and many households in the United States already employ nuclear
weaponry for home security.
1: Choosing the right atom It would be a mistake to assume that any old atom will do. Theoretically, this is true, but practically speaking, you will have a good deal of trouble splitting smaller atoms, such as oxygen. Instead, you are going to have to find a large atom. Your best choices are uranium or plutonium. We recommend uranium, as you will find that it is much easier to come by. Uranium is a naturally occurring element that can be mined, and is also available now in many specialty stores. Plutonium is not only much rarer, it's man-made, and we don't have the time to tell you how to make it. Also, it is also by far the most lethal substance in the known universe. There is not a large market for plutonium right now because retailers who overstocked tended to get vaporized. (Large enough amounts will explode spontaneously.) However, as the former Soviet Union continues to deteriorate, the availability of weapons-grade plutonium continues to rise, so you may be able to find some on the cheap in the near future.
2: Weighing your atom There are two main uranium isotopes, uranium 235 and uranium 238. You will have to sort through your uranium atoms and pick out the U235. This will be very time-consuming, as U235 is exceedingly rare. It may help to use a scale: U238 weighs three more than U235, so set the tare accordingly. Hopefully, you bought a lot of uranium. (Important note: while doing this, do not ingest any uranium, and be sure to wash your hands thoroughly.) Discard the U238 appropriately by flushing it down the toilet....
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Also included:
How to Shoplift
How to Deliver A Baby In A Manger
How to Summit Mount Everest
How to Tell You've Lost the Election
...and much more!
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